Friday, October 14, 2011

day 435

ugh. i'm feeling extra emotional today. i'm having one of those days where i have to bite my lip to hold back the tears. if i even hear the pamper's commercial in the background, i'll start sobbing uncontrollably.

why am i feeling emotional? well, i'm pregnant and i think that a lot of the symptoms from being pregnant are making me emotional/frustrated, but not necessarily the hormones. well... i'm sure it's also the hormones. i just feel... blah. specifically, i feel like there is NO romance in my life. none. zero. zilch. and i blame the majority of this on the fact that i have NO libido (TMI?). i want to burn "What to Expect When You're Expecting" for making me think the second trimester would be the best three months of my pregnancy. they've been anything but the best.

it's amazing how something SO WONDERFUL, SOOOOO WONDERFUL, can make the mood at my house dismal. why, you ask? because instead of dancing around with ribbons in my hair singing "head, shoulders, knees, and toes" while eating baby food to connect with my inner child, i feel like i'm constantly reminded of the FINANCIAL toll a child takes on your life. it just feels like instead of oxygen floating around my house, the air has now been replaced with a toxic substance called "financial ruin." it is literally making me sick. and i feel like these 9 months that should have been filled with joy, happiness, nesting, planning, giddiness, and preparation, have turned into 9 months (well, 5 so far) of worrying, figuring out how to afford life, no lovey-dovey making out, stress, and so forth. it is literally driving me to my grave. and i can't take it anymore.

i think yesterday was the day the straw (or is it rice?) tipped the camel's back. ugh. yesterday was just a bad day. a culmination of all the negative feelings. i just want them GONE.


i'm done venting.

for all you pregnant ladies out there (or those who've given birth), i'm sure you can relate in one way or another. i've always had the feeling that life is fine, things will work out, don't worry so much, but it just hasn't felt that way in my home lately and it's making my brain hurt. so i had to vent on this forgotten blog of mine.

now that THAT is out of the way...

can i just say how much i hate when people flip others off while driving? i mean, really. really. is that necessary? is it? no, it is not. today, this guy was trying to get over. so i let him over. what does he do? instead of graciously giving me the wave or moving in line, happy to be on his merry way, he flips the guy off in front of him for not letting him in. not once, not twice, but THRICE. three times he felt it was necessary to flip this man off for not letting him in. i don't understand. nor will i ever.

next thought... i love having fun days. they make all the bad days at work seem less bad. let me just tell you about a great day.

beak and i got to go to petaluma a couple weeks ago and it was SO MUCH FUN. my mum has always wanted to go to this fancy shmancy halloween show that brings artists/crafters from all over the US, so she had me come along. we just had so much fun chatting, chatting, and chatting. we ate at this restaurant called tea room cafe where i ate the most mind-blowing sandwich of my life! holy cow, that made the trip worthwhile. speaking of cow... i MILKED ONE!!! you heard me right. i, courtney shay roskelley, got to milk a cow. i about died of happiness. i have wanted to milk a cow for so long and have been trying to find a way to cross if off my bucket list. we stopped at this cheese shop (another treasure of petaluma) where the lady told us of a farm up the road that has tours, cheese, ice cream, cows, AND a cow-milking station! well, you didn't have to tell me twice. we were off. and it was grand. i just LOVE spending time with mi madre!

(22 weeks, 5 days!!!)


The Minister Of Sinister said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Minister Of Sinister said...

I have so many thoughts about your thoughts. They're thought-provoking.

Court said...

enlighten me please!!

Mary Jo said...

Oh Court we have all been where you are! Mike graduated in Dec. then Jack was born in March. He had no real job and all of our insurance was through MY job. And we were living in Orange County which is so expensive. I worked full time the first year of Jack's life and we just did what we had to. We lived in a tiny one bed apartment. Mike found a job out here in Missouri so we packed everything up and moved to a place we had never been. You never feel like you have enough money. There is always some toy or video game or light up spider man shoes they want. lol I really don't think raising kids is expensive as alot of people make it. My kids wear clothes from Target and Old navy clearance section. Everything will be alright and I think alot of the feelings you have are because you are pregnant.

Kristen said...

I can totally relate to your bleak pregnancy thoughts. I have never had a pregnancy that was all sunny days of me skipping around with a cute little belly and Chad offering to rub my feet and tell me how beautiful I am...and blah blah blah! Pregnancy not only does something terrible to my hormone levels, but it always affects Chad and turns him into one great big pile of worry and meanness! I think I have pretty much been ready to leave him during each one of my pregnancies and then I finally have the baby and he falls in love and turns back into the guy I want to be married to. My rambling point? Pretty much everything is magnified by 10 when you are pregnant, except for worry and self doubt...they are magnified by at least 40. Just remember that you are awesome, and I don't know Blake (only met him once at Megan's wedding) but if he loves you then he is awesome too, so try not to worry too much. Everything will work out in the end. P.S. I am so jealous of your cow milking experience. That is totally going on my bucket list!

Post a Comment