day 512

short post...

i'd like to join a book club. most book clubs, however, are made up of 40-somethings who all live in the same town where they sit down, talk about the book they read, and finish up by eating really tasty snacks. 

sadly, most of my friends live far away from me, but i'd still love to discuss a great book and eat tasty snacks. even if i'm eating all by myself. 

so, here's my proposition: if anyone is interested in creating an "online" book club where we can talk about one book a month, i think that would just be swell. i figure one book a month is totally doable and it'll hold me accountable for actually finishing a book. if you want to take pictures of your amazing book club snacks, feel free to upload. 

as far as how we can make this happen, i have no idea. i haven't thought logistics yet. i just wanted to see if anyone was interested. my friends have such wonderful taste in books and i think it'd be a great 2012 goal to accomplish. comment if you're down...

day 511

i like to say i have a pretty eclectic taste when it comes to music, but that's not entirely true. there are a few genres i just can't do: twangy country, scary death metal, ultra dirty hip hop, disney-channel-stars-turned-chart-topping-artists, etc. that's not to say i don't like one or two songs in each of those categories, however i've come to realize that the songs i like are usually the ones everyone else finds really crappy. 

example: my favourite "hip hop" song right now? "rocketeer" by far east movement & ryan tedder. can you even call it hip hop? what's with the digital-sounding voices? doesn't matter- i love it. i could probably listen to it on repeat for 12 straight days...

anyway...

good morning world wide web. it has been 36 days since i last blogged and SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED!!! haha, that's a lie. i just wanted to feel like a lot went on in my life since i last updated you fine people. maybe i bought a house, went skiing for the first time, snuck some sushi, read 38 books, met barack obama, etc. you get the idea. alas, none of that happened. here's what did happen though...

1. i turned 29. sigh. i am now 327 days away from being 30. THIRTY. 3-0. "In your thirties." Three-to-the-ohhhhhhhh, snap.... I'm almost 30. Are you beginning to feel how i feel about this impending day? i know that 30 is the new 20 and it in no way implies i'm old, but... it kinda feels like that. when i think of 30 i think of a few things. my mum. she had 4 kids, lived in a house, and had been married for 11 years by the time she was 30. i also think of people who have PhDs. i dunno why cos most 30 year olds don't have PhDs, but these are the thoughts of my brain... wait, stop. y'know what? i'm 29. when i turn 30, i will finish this conversation. Until then...

2. my child is slowly but surely clawing his way out of my uterus. NOT KIDDING. he kicks (yes, i know this is normal) and kicks, and pushes, and kicks, and beats, and takes my ribs and pulls them from my rib cage to try and cut himself out and enter this gorgeous world. i'm really not opposed to this, however, cos it might mean he'll get his wish and come early, which would be great for the ever-impatient courtney. 

3. xmas happened. yep. i won a cassette tape called "hope" at our left-right (white elephant) party. i ate fabulous potatoes. pretended to xmas carol. spent time with the in-laws. scored some awesome stuff from my loved ones. had an amazing hors d'oeuvres dinner on christmas day. and got to talk to my WONDERFUL and HILARIOUS brothers, elder braden lee and sgt. cameron lee. can i just say i love and miss those boys? i love and miss those boys. they are so funny. braden with his "getting-shot-in-the-nose" story and cameron with his "walk of shame" details kept me laughing for a very, very long time.  

4. i'm seeing coldplay. I'M SEEING COLDPLAY!!!!! some of you might be thinking, "now, courtney. haven't you seen them in concert already? why do you need to see them again? plus, you'll have a new born baby by that time! you're crazy." no, no. i am not. i am a devoted fan. plus, one can never see coldplay enough. if you've seen them live, you would know what i mean. don't worry. i have it all planned out. i've been blessed with a wonderful mum who is taking care of my baby, so i can sit in the very top row (really) at the HP pavilion and be serenaded my chris martin and company. 

5. does anyone have any ideas on how to create and stick to new year's resolutions? i would love your input. each year i have my (long) list and start out okay, but by january 2nd, i've usually failed. then, instead of getting back on the horse, i just think, "well, i already failed. guess that goal is out the window." ugh. help...

alright, my dear friends. off to clean my house and not eat those chocolate covered almonds staring me down... wish me luck.

(my birthday dessert party)

day 475

can i just say something? there is nothing like being 29 weeks pregnant and having to go pee. it is a state of emergency. finding a bathroom before i start to waddle is like finding buried treasure- pure joy! now that we have that out of the way...

HAPPY DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING!!!

wow, i love thanksgiving. not just because of the mashed potatoes and the killer pumpkin bread (if you want the world's most UH-MAZE-ING recipe, ask me. it'll change your life. no, really. it will. i guarantee it), but because everything just feels so warm and fuzzy. literally and figuratively. my mother-in-law's dining room is basically a replica of martha stewart's house (LOVE it!). my father-in-law makes mandarin smoothies (speaking of which- who here is beyond excited for mandarin season? uh, i am!). people hang out and sleep in their snuggies while pretending to watch the boring macy's day parade (admit it- it's totally boring, but it's tradition). i could go on, but you get the point. 

since we're on the thanksgiving topic, i would like to express my gratitude for my friends. i have the world's most awesome friends. i do. i'm sure everyone says that, but sometimes i think i was blessed with extra-special friends. 

for example, i have one friend who sent me a facial in a box. a facial in a box!! how cool is that? another friend has been holding on to a birthday card for 2 years just with the purpose of being sent to me, and it arrived the other day and i loved it. i have another friend who called me on my birthday from a hospital in germany even though she had just given birth less than 48 hours before. i could go on, but then you might get jealous and start asking for their phone numbers and i just wouldn't feel comfortable giving out that information...

when life stinks and things just don't seem to be going your way (and i'm the queen who feels like life is never going her way), it is so nice to have amazing friends (and family!) to remind you of what really matters in life. oh no, is this post turning into a generic hallmark card? yikes. i better stop while i'm ahead...

day 466

good morning world.

i don't want to jinx myself or anything, but pregnancy life has been pretty good lately. minus the sleepless nights, i've been feeling quite... happy! i don't know if it's the hormones or the occasional rain we've been getting, but something has me in a good mood. that's not to say that i've been like the human version of eeyore, but i don't look at my second trimester as the most pleasant time in my life. i'm sure you could tell just based on my day 435 entry. blake probably thinks i'm going crazy cos now all i do is sing at the top of my lungs random songs from "willie wonka and the chocolate factory." sometimes i even dance. 

anyway...

my mum came up with a great idea. we are starting a gratitude journal. or notebook, whatever you want to call it. i thought it was a splendid idea. carry it in your purse and whenever you experience a moment of gratitude or think of something you're grateful for, you jot it down. i think someone mentioned it at church because we're getting closer to thanksgiving, but i want to make this a year-round thing. there are so many things to be grateful for and i think we often get stuck on the same four things: family/friends, health, free country, gospel. 

today, i am grateful for the following: 

1. the heater in my house.

2. chocolate chip cookies

3. living close to my mum

4. my computer

i know, you're probably thinking, "really, courtney? your computer? cookies? how juvenile..." say what you will, but i am so grateful for all these things! they are awesome! this is the part where you think, "yeah, she's right. i sure love cookies." now go dust off that notebook that's been sitting on your nightstand and convert it to a gratitude journal. it'll change the way you look at life, i promise. 

happy monday!

p.s. go read this book

day 460

oh, so many thoughts rumbling around in my head. so many. let's begin, shall we?

1. i've always wanted to eat healthy, but for the longest time, healthy meant eating food that tasted nasty. well, lately i've been trying to find more recipes that are healthy AND taste good. thank you internet, barnes & noble, and the library (and my AMAZING chef friends!) for helping me find some treasures. 

my latest obsession is courtesy of my wonderful mum. she's been telling me the wonders of kale for the longest time and only recently have i taken her advice and finally tried incorporating kale into my diet. 

all i can say is, "why haven't i tried this sooner?!" 

kale-yogurt-banana-berry-OJ smoothie= healthy happiness in a cup. tastes great, easy to make, and gives you tons of nutrients.

love it. 

2. now i must confess something. as i write this, i am eating oreos. nice, huh? here i am professing the greatness of this healthy kale smoothie while eating cookies smothered in lard. the reason i decided to confess, however, is because these oreos aren't as good as they usually are. don't get me wrong. their black and white goodness mixed with ice cold skim milk tastes amazing... until i've eaten a few and the lard mixes with the kale. this makes me think of the scripture mastery scripture matthew 6:24 ("no man can serve two masters")... i suppose i will have to find a new sugary love that isn't quite so yin to my yang smoothie...

3. our landlords don't believe in pest control. i never realized how great pest control is until i moved here. bugs don't normally bother me, but when there is a plethora of them, it starts to get old. 

one of the perks of marrying a man who served his mission in brazil is the built in fly swatter. the man can catch a fly like buster posey can catch a baseball (i.e. he's awesome). only lately he's been passing the garbage can and instead bringing the flies to a spider hanging in our hallway. each day the spider gets bigger and each day i wonder when it is either a) going to burst from too much food, or b) give birth to 2000 baby spiders which will then extend my bug problem. i love you sweetie, but let's find a new pet. sea monkeys? turtle? a goldfish named george?

4. being pregnant is... great. it is. really. i swear. 

okay, i'm half lying. but only HALF. i love getting a front row space at the grocery store that says "for expectant mothers." i love having someone else tie my shoes. i love getting massages more frequently. i LOVE LOVE LOVE feeling my baby move. i love that the kids i sub for are nicer to me cos i'm pregnant. 

do you believe me yet? 

now for the whining...

i am not a fan of the insomnia. i am NOT a fan of feeling twice my size (it makes EVERYTHING i do twice as difficult). i am not a fan of peeing every 30 seconds. did i mention i am not a fan of being twice my size? seriously, that is probably the hardest part. i'm used to being a pretty slender person who can jump and leap and run and hop and do all sorts of things dr. seuss encourages, but now... i feel like i do a 5-point turn every time i get out of bed or off the couch. 

that being said, i would do it all over again and would gladly welcome any other pregnancy-related malady (thank you blake) just to see the face of my gorgeous and amazing son. and yes, i already know he's gorgeous. in case you don't believe me, see here.

p.s. 91 more days. holla!

5. those who know me well know that i am a lady of lists. oooh, i like the sound of that. i can almost here anne of green gables say it as she floats down the river...

anyway, i love making lists and goals. the problem is that i often have too many goals and instead of tackling them one at a time, i get overwhelmed, discouraged, and give up before i even start. 

take scripture reading, for example. i've been meaning to get back into scripture reading for the past... i dunno, 10 years? something like that. but i always want to do it perfectly. read for 30 minutes a day. nay, STUDY for 30 minutes a day. search. ponder. pray. cross reference with my institute manual. compare with the most recent general conference talks. 

do you see where i'm going? it's easy to see why i give up with such high expectations.

so, i changed my strategy. i found this article that said if you do something for 21 days, the habit will stick. 

so, my goal became to read the scriptures every day. no certain amount. no specific book. no specific time. just read. really? that easy? yes, courtney. that easy. 

what do you know- it seems to be working. i figure everything in life is taken in steps. my first step: read everyday. my next step? i don't know yet. probably read for 15 minutes. after that? we shall see. 

6. winco foods makes me laugh. specifically the store in elk grove. when people are hungry, they just grab something from the aisle, start eating, and the return it when they're done.

("oops. i thought this was a golden delicious.")

("crap. it's frozen. put it back.")

(PBJ anyone?)

(everybody's favourite snack: milk and cereal)

(i love the sign: "no sampling please")

that's all for today. tune in tomorrow for more thoughts. well, tomorrow is unlikely since i only update this every month or so, but it's on my list...   :)

day 435

ugh. i'm feeling extra emotional today. i'm having one of those days where i have to bite my lip to hold back the tears. if i even hear the pamper's commercial in the background, i'll start sobbing uncontrollably.

why am i feeling emotional? well, i'm pregnant and i think that a lot of the symptoms from being pregnant are making me emotional/frustrated, but not necessarily the hormones. well... i'm sure it's also the hormones. i just feel... blah. specifically, i feel like there is NO romance in my life. none. zero. zilch. and i blame the majority of this on the fact that i have NO libido (TMI?). i want to burn "What to Expect When You're Expecting" for making me think the second trimester would be the best three months of my pregnancy. they've been anything but the best.

it's amazing how something SO WONDERFUL, SOOOOO WONDERFUL, can make the mood at my house dismal. why, you ask? because instead of dancing around with ribbons in my hair singing "head, shoulders, knees, and toes" while eating baby food to connect with my inner child, i feel like i'm constantly reminded of the FINANCIAL toll a child takes on your life. it just feels like instead of oxygen floating around my house, the air has now been replaced with a toxic substance called "financial ruin." it is literally making me sick. and i feel like these 9 months that should have been filled with joy, happiness, nesting, planning, giddiness, and preparation, have turned into 9 months (well, 5 so far) of worrying, figuring out how to afford life, no lovey-dovey making out, stress, and so forth. it is literally driving me to my grave. and i can't take it anymore.

i think yesterday was the day the straw (or is it rice?) tipped the camel's back. ugh. yesterday was just a bad day. a culmination of all the negative feelings. i just want them GONE.

there.

i'm done venting.

for all you pregnant ladies out there (or those who've given birth), i'm sure you can relate in one way or another. i've always had the feeling that life is fine, things will work out, don't worry so much, but it just hasn't felt that way in my home lately and it's making my brain hurt. so i had to vent on this forgotten blog of mine.

now that THAT is out of the way...

can i just say how much i hate when people flip others off while driving? i mean, really. really. is that necessary? is it? no, it is not. today, this guy was trying to get over. so i let him over. what does he do? instead of graciously giving me the wave or moving in line, happy to be on his merry way, he flips the guy off in front of him for not letting him in. not once, not twice, but THRICE. three times he felt it was necessary to flip this man off for not letting him in. i don't understand. nor will i ever.

next thought... i love having fun days. they make all the bad days at work seem less bad. let me just tell you about a great day.

beak and i got to go to petaluma a couple weeks ago and it was SO MUCH FUN. my mum has always wanted to go to this fancy shmancy halloween show that brings artists/crafters from all over the US, so she had me come along. we just had so much fun chatting, chatting, and chatting. we ate at this restaurant called tea room cafe where i ate the most mind-blowing sandwich of my life! holy cow, that made the trip worthwhile. speaking of cow... i MILKED ONE!!! you heard me right. i, courtney shay roskelley, got to milk a cow. i about died of happiness. i have wanted to milk a cow for so long and have been trying to find a way to cross if off my bucket list. we stopped at this cheese shop (another treasure of petaluma) where the lady told us of a farm up the road that has tours, cheese, ice cream, cows, AND a cow-milking station! well, you didn't have to tell me twice. we were off. and it was grand. i just LOVE spending time with mi madre!

(22 weeks, 5 days!!!)

day 408

i THINK i've decided that i'm going to learn to sew. i have gone 28 years (almost 29) of adamantly telling myself and everyone i know that i am NOT the sewing type, nor will i ever be. but... i may have changed my mind. one of my favourite bloggers, mrs. stephanie nielson, did a fun week of posts last christmas showcasing all these awesome crafters/seamstresses/DIY-ers and the amazing goods they produce. i want ALL of it. but alas i have exactly 4 cents to my name, so i cannot buy what i want. so, i started thinking... hm, A LOT of this stuff i could probably make myself. some, not a chance, but others, definitely. my mum has been dying to get me to learn to sew and said she'd be totally willing to TEACH me (key word "teach," not "do"), so i'm starting to think, "why not?" in approximately 142 days my friend will arrive in this world and i figure after he's a bit grown and i no longer need to nap every hour along with him, i might want to do something with my day that isn't laundry or dinner. perhaps that could be some DIY projects. so i gotta learn/practice now. there. now, please will someone hold me to this? i want at least ONE thing done by christmas, even if it turns out hideously ugly. 

moving on...

i don't think i've adequately professed my incredible excitement at becoming a mum. no, i don't think i have. if i wasn't so tired and tired-looking, i might make up a song and record myself singing a song about how ecstatic i am. instead, the pointer sisters will have to do:

on a serious note though, i really am SO EXCITED. i get to teach this little guy about EVERYTHING!!! quite the responsibility, but at the same time, how much fun it that going to be?! TONS! he will learn about being nice to waiters, using your blinker when driving, being tough AND loving your mum like the 2000 stripling warriors, standing up for what you believe in, loving the beatles, saving your money, how to cook pasta PERFECTLY, and so on. being a mum is the greatest thing in the world and i'm not even official yet. i just know it will be awesome. there. 

(our little boy looking like a creepy alien child. hopefully he has more fat and muscle by february.)

last thought...

being poor makes me laugh. my clothes no longer fit, but i have no funds to go buy some, so blake took a rubber band and made my pants now 2 sizes bigger. we also took another rubber band to fix my sunglasses. and my mum took her two broken sandals and repaired them with paperclips. hahahaha! you gotta laugh at that. as far as having to eat rice and oatmeal for the rest of this month... not as funny. 

day 405

friends, strangers, blogging world... hello. i have been MIA for a month and a half, but am back in business. the business of rambling and sharing random thoughts and equally random pictures. so many things to say... i'll limit them to 10. 

1. i always do blog posts about past events as if i'm writing them the day of, and it really bugs me that blogger won't let me change the date. i understand why, but i could have been in england and san francisco and had a baby and run a marathon all in one day with the way i do my catching up. so, please ignore all dates. the end. 

2. fat free milk is SO much better than any other kind of milk. really though- it just tastes... colder. and better. i'm not even a milk person, but sometimes you just need a glass of milk and the most ice cold milk you can get is fat free. 

3. i'm turning domestic. nope, i take that back. i want to turn domestic. maybe it's the pregnancy, maybe it's cos i've wanted a martha stewart autumn my whole life, i don't know. either way, all i want to do is make my own jam, cook some pumpkin bread, and recreate my teeny tiny house into something martha would approve of. can it just be fall already? can the leaves start falling and turning orange? can we start buying halloween costumes and deciding what kind of turkey to make this year? i was talking to blake about this. maybe it was someone else. hmmm, can't remember. doesn't matter. i was talking to someone and just saying how- oh! i think it was hayley. bah!!! i was saying how sad it is when we're older and the second half of the year arrives. when you're young, everything is so magical. halloween was the BEST when i was kid. there were so many children out running around with their pillowcases filled with candy, wind blowing, parents getting in on the fun- very "hocus pocus" like (classic film from the 1990s). anyway, same thing at thanksgiving- your whole family there, everyone saying what they're grateful for, eating leftovers for days. then the amazing month of preparing for christmas- baking, shopping, watching "rudolph the red nosed reindeer," reading books, and so on. 

well, now i feel like i still want to do all that or at least experience those same happy emotions, however, so many things have changed. wow, i'm really getting into thought #3. i'm sure you get my gist. i probably posted something similar to this last year. either way, i'm determined to make this year different. that's right- DE-TER-MINED. even if my house is only 3% martha, i'll be happy. i just want it to feel MAGICAL. in an adult kind of way. 

4. i have never peed so much in my whole life as i have since being pregnant. wow. a little less pushing on my bladder, baby. mummy says thank you. 

5. speaking of baby... wow. i am beyond excited to have a child. it's kind of been my ambition in life ever since my mum bought me an anatomically correct baby when i was six years old (yes, with a very realistic girl part and an umbilical cord stub). but man! there are some challenges to pregnancy. for example, NONE of my clothes fit. not that i was a fabulous dresser before, but now the ONLY thing i wear is pajama pants and large frumpy t-shirts. partly cos i don't feel "pregnant" enough to buy maternity clothes and partly cos i'm poor and don't want to spend the only 10 cents i have on a pair of pants i'll only wear for a short time. i know, i know. i will have more children thus i will wear them again. sigh. off topic slightly, when did you (to those of you mums who might be reading this) first feel your baby kick? i have yet to feel my little friend. i am only 19 weeks, but am getting a little anxious. 

6. in case you haven't heard enough about babies... blake and i went to the ob/gyn for an appointment. she suggested we take infant CPR. he was so confused. later, as we were driving home, he was like "what's infancy PR???" it made me laugh. and think about what the public relations field is like for infants. ha... ha... ha... bad joke. 

7. my sister got married. kinda awesome. kinda depressing cos now there's someone out in the world who she likes more than me. thus our "10-times-a-day" phone call sessions have been cut to "one-call-a-week-for-5-seconds-to-ask-if-you've-seen-this-movie" session. but i'm happy for her. she was a GORGEOUS bride, has a lovely husband who writes her love songs and watches law & order : SVU with her. what a guy. 

8. i got new toms. this pair is red. i love them. 

okay, i only made it to eight thoughts. enjoy dear friends, enjoy. peace and blessings as my friend tracy would say...

(blake took this awesome picture at AT&T park. nice job, honey!)

(sometimes i make him do facials with me)

(two of my favourite friends- beth and lauren. mini reunion this summer)

(she left me for heidelberg, germany. i'm thinking of having a bake sale to pay for a plane ticket over there). 

(cam took this picture for me- he knows me too well. i miss him!!!)

(seriously? do you have to be that attractive?)

day 365

our last day in europe. such a bittersweet day! we leave tomorrow, back to the real world; back to work, dishes, life, responsibilities, and so forth. as sad as i am to leave europe and go back to dishes, i am SO excited to see my husband, sleep in my own bed, and eat non-restaurant food! i have had such a fun time with my aunt, mum, and sister. they are some hilarious people!! 

today, we ended our vacation by going to hampton court palace- a beautiful palace with AMAZING gardens and a maze. to be honest, though, after experiencing the world's biggest corn maze in dixon, CA, i was a tad disappointed by the palace maze that lasted about 45 seconds and was a difficulty level of zero. but it was still fun nonetheless. 


next time you hear from me, i'll be back in the U-S-of-A!  

(this is courtney dying of heat, drinking her overly priced, gross strawberry freeze)

(brooke's walking stick she insisted on taking all around the palace)

(jordan would be so sad to see this)

(poor lora. she's a wiped out lady)

(brooke spooning peas out of her gross soup)

(starving to death, eating bread and butter. baby is crying inside for more food)

(blake's twin. this is what my future son will look like)

(i love trees)

(the horse that took us on a nice little carriage tour of the palace)

(so tired...)

i love that everything here reminds me of "alice in wonderland!"